Dear Paris
by Dreaming while awake
Summary: "The biggest mistake I ever made was never giving Jacob a chance" Bella-There was only one decision she had to make; stay a vampire and live her unhappy life with Edward or listen to the hooded figure and go back as a human to the man she has always loved.-What would you do to be with the person you love? Jacob/Bella time travel ON HIATUS
1. Romeo and Juliett

**A/N: Ok everyone; this is kind of a short story I created in the spurt of the moment. I just wanted to ask you all to please, please review because if you don't I won't know if you liked it. I have to confess I have a really low self esteem and I wasn't even sure if I should publish this, so please, review and let me know if you like it or not. I'm sure you can do me the favor, besides I know it isn't that difficult to press a button, I know, I've done it. Anyways, thanks. **

**Summary: **_Bella's a vampire and she isn't happy. Will a chance encounter with a mysterious figure and a magical talisman help her get the man she truly loves back? Will she get the chance to right her wrongs and not only that, is there a chance she can go back to being a human thanks to said talisman? _

**Disclaimer: **_I obviously don't own Twilight, because if I did, it would probably suck. _

**Prologue; Romeo and Juliet**

**By **_Dreamingwhileawake_

Things went wrong. I've always thought Romeo and Juliet were meant to be, but what if they weren't, what if both of their deaths only meant they weren't meant to be? Well, I know my story and it went something like that, I left Paris for Romeo and paid the price. I loved him, Romeo, but sometimes love isn't enough, I had never thought about that before. Haven't you ever questioned if maybe Paris was the better choice? I question it now, now that I lived through an impossible love like Romeo's and Juliet's. There was a reason why they both died, they weren't meant to be.

I was foolish; I left life, Paris, for death, Romeo. It will haunt me for the rest of my immortal existence. It was the price to pay for such mistake, live forever knowing what I could have had; what my daughter now has. I would give anything to go back in time and be Jacob's Soul mate. I would give anything for a beating heart, warmth and tears; anything, it didn't matter.

It was my own fault that I was suffering; I had after all made the decision that ruined my life forever.

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	2. Forever Is Such A Long Time

**Forever is such a long time**

I didn't let Edward see how upset I was, how I regretted everything. I knew that would destroy him and I didn't want him to suffer just as I had been for the past five years, since that day when I lost my true love, Jacob. When he imprinted on my daughter, part of my unbeaten heart shattered. Oh, but how I was selfish!

Jasper never questioned my feelings of dread, regret. He thought I still felt guilty for what I tried doing to Jacob when I heard the news of him imprinting on Reneesme. Oh, but if he only knew the reason of my dread, my guilt, he would be astounded. After all I had become a great actor while in the presence of everyone, even Edward who was oblivious to my turmoil of thoughts.

Each time I saw Jacob smile at Reneesme I felt jealous, envious, those smiles had once been mine and only mine. This made me feel even more horrible, I was jealous of my daughter, my sweet and loving Reneesme! I knew it, I was losing it, I was regretting things so much that I was wrapping myself in the negative feelings and just pushing away the ones that were truly worthwhile, and maybe that was why Jasper tried staying away from me as much as possible.

"I'm going to go hunting" I announced, standing up from Edwards lap.

"I'll go with you, love" I shook my head, smiling at him.

"I need some time alone, you know, meditate" I gave him a peck on the lips. He gave me a small nod seemingly fine for me wanting some time for myself.

With no more time to waist I sped off into the darken woods with my knee length skirt trailing behind me. Brown fire like designs hung upwards from my waist, adorning the cream cloth. On top of it but a little lower was also a leather belt with the design of a butterfly as a broach. On my upper body I was wearing a simple white tank top and no shoes, my chocolate brown curls trailing behind me gracefully.

When I got to the meadow a little ways from the La Push boarder line and river, I plopped down on the ground and began to sob. Oh, how I missed the tears! I had once hated them with such a passion but now, now I wished I could cry myself a river of them. I now wished I could be everything I hadn't been while human; fun, sexy, flirtatious, daring, social…. The list just went on and on.

"So you want to be human again now don't you?" I stiffened, whipping around yet not seeing anyone. I crouched ready to spring if necessary.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I snarled out. It chuckled and again I saw no one, I smelled no one. Could vampires lose their minds?

"Oh, young one, I am here because of you. Did you not call for me?" I blinked, confused. Who had I called? 

"My name is Enma and I have something that will help you get what you want" Out of the shadows came out a hooded figure but this time I relaxed. What was there to lose?

"What is this thing that can help me?" I tried not to seem desperate, but I was very, very desperate.

A pale hand reached out from the black hood and in its grasp dangled what seemed to be a talisman. I gasped, it was absolutely breath taking! An amber half moon facing downwards with a red ruby in the middle, a sapphire in its hook and carefully leather strings holding the half moon to a copper colored wire. I had been so entranced by the jewel that I hadn't notice the figure was now standing a few feet before me.

It's hands reached out to me, the talisman open and ready to be secured around my neck. I let it be hooked into place without hesitation.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I whispered, confusedly.

It chuckled "My dear child, I've lived long enough and done many wonderful things with it, now it is your turn to use it, to make your own path" The hand grasped mine almost tenderly "I've been through that same thing you have child, I have accomplished my dreams and now it is your turn. Remember, things will change when you go back in time, nothing will be exactly the same but who knows, maybe it's worth it" The figure turned, heading south.

"This time my dear, try making the right choice. But think it through before you choose to go back, think hard if it's really worth it because once back, I am sorry to say there is no coming back"

I nodded "Thank you"

The figure did not turn or acknowledged my thanks but it did speak.

"When you're ready the talisman will know" With those whispered words the figure disappeared.


	3. Farewell Romeo

**A/N: I am so sorry it took me so long to update but I had a family emergency. I hope however that you all like this chapter and if you all review I will try my best to update the next chapter before next Saturday. **

**Thanks to all of you who did review, really, you guys are the best!**

**Summary: **_Bella's a vampire and she isn't happy. Will a chance encounter with a mysterious figure and a magical talisman help her get the man she truly loves back? Will she get the chance to right her wrongs and not only that, is there a chance she can go back to being a human thanks to said talisman? _

**Disclaimer: **_I obviously don't own Twilight, because if I did, it would probably suck. _

**Farewell Romeo**

_By: Dreamingwhileawake_

When I returned home the family was all waiting for me on the living room, even Jacob who was holding Reneesme closely to his body. I resisted the urge to grimace and smiled instead.

"Love, where have you been?" Edward hugged me around my waist and kissed my lips tenderly. How sad it was that I felt nothing from it. I kissed him back, as a farewell gift. He had after all taken care of me, loved me and tried making me happy every chance he got.

"I love you" I told him truthfully. '_I'm just not __**in **__love with you' _I thought sadly. He gave me a crooked grin, the one that used to make me feel faint, that made my cold skin feel warm, the one that no longer made me feel. I smiled back at him convincingly.

"Oh!" I heard Alice squeal "Where did you get that necklace!" She ran towards me and examined it with twinkling eyes. I smiled.

"I found it near the mountains, probably someone lost it in a hike or something" I lied easily.

"You're so lucky!" She told me. I laughed and hugged her, my last hug to her.

"Well, I'm going out with Jake mom" Reneesme told me. Even if it had been five years from her birth she now looked like an average seventeen year old. I frowned at her.

"Where are you going so late in the night with Jake?" This time she frowned at me. She heard about the time when Jacob loved me and she had accepted it but it didn't mean she liked it. She was as jealous as I used to be as a human, as I was now.

"Mom!" She shrieked.

"Nessie" Edward warned but I waved him off.

"Its fine sweetie, just have fun" It was after all the last time I would see her. She seemed surprised that I had actually agreed, I never agreed to such things before.

"Are you sure Bella?" Edward asked me in bewilderment. If Rose was here right now she would have killed me for letting Nessie go like that, but she wasn't. Neither were Emmett, Carlisle and Esme. They were somewhere near Canada hunting.

"I'm sure Edward, Nessie is smart, besides, I trust Jacob" I gave him a pointed look and he nodded.

Nessie squealed and tackled me into a hug. I hugged her back. Was I doing the right thing in leaving everything behind? She gave me a small smile and went to Jacob, kissing him. Yes, It was the right thing to do, at least for me, I deserved to be selfish.

But before Nessie and Jake could leave Alice gasped and everyone turned to see her horrified expression.

"Bella, no!"


	4. What the Heart Wants

_**A/N: Oh my God! I'm soooo sorry! I know I've said this before, but I really do mean it. I've had a few bad months since my grandpa died and my dad left. I don't know how regularly I can keep updating but hopefully I wont take too long. I've been so busy with filling admissions for College and all. I'll try my best! I actually just read my last chapter and quickly wrote this now. I had a few chapters done beforehand but they were saved in my other laptop and then it crashed so I don't have them anymore! :'( **_

_**Disclaimer: **__I still don't own Twilight. _

_**What the Heart Wants**_

_By Dreamingwhileawake_

I looked over at Alice, fear and guilt gripping my very being. Had she seen what I was going to do? I knew deep in my heart that I wanted this. This was a once in a life time opportunity. Could I really let that go for what I now had? I wasn't happy here, could I live unhappily for the rest of my existence? I knew I couldn't pretend any longer. I couldn't pretend to love Edward, couldn't pretend I wasn't jealous of my own daughter and could never, ever, pretend to be happy with the life I was living.

But that didn't keep me from feeling guilty.

"Bella, no!"

But just like that; before anyone could react, my decision had been made. My heart had chosen and no one could stop what was to come, not even me.

Dizziness overtook me and the room began to spin. I felt as if my very soul was being sucked out of me, and then I tumbled to the floor. And I felt for the first time in a few years how cold it really was. And I realized then that I had missed it.

I saw Edward trying to get to me but it seemed like an invisible force was keeping him away.

And then nothing.

Just…

Absolute darkness.

_**Again, so sorry for everything! I will understand if you hate me! **__**L -Cries-**_


	5. The Second Time Around

_**A/N: **__**Ok, so I was thinking. I haven't been updating this story and when I did update it was small. So I decided to update quickly so you guys could read it! Still sorry…**_

**Disclaimer: **_Still not owning Twilight. _

_**The second time around**_

_By Dreamingwhileawake_

I woke up to the thunderous sound of rain hitting against glass. Now, I know that people normally wake up disoriented and need a few minutes for things to sink in, but this wasn't the case. I woke up, jumped up with a scream _and _fell out of bed. All in less than ten seconds.

I groaned as I hit the floor, hard. And I couldn't help the maniacal laughter that erupted from my mouth because it had actually _hurt_. I was laughing so hard that it hurt, and it might be slightly masochistic but I enjoyed every minute of pain that I could feel. It had been so long since I had felt pain that I was relieved I could still hurt. I wasn't even surprised to realize that the Talisman the strange cloaked figure had given me worked!

"Bella? Are you ok up there?" I stopped laughing abruptly. Tears threatened to spill now. Charlie! I hadn't seen him in about two whole years! After we stayed three years in Forks, we had left. Abandoning my poor father without so much as a goodbye. Only a note telling him to not worry and to not search for either one of the Cullens and me. I had felt horrible, but Edward reminded me that It was for the best. He couldn't know what we were. Naturally, Jacob and his pack moved as well. He couldn't live without Nessie. I grimaced, but it quickly melted away into a small smile. I could change that.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice was closer now.

Standing up from the heap on the floor, I fixed up my hair with my hands and stood straight, waiting for him to come in. I didn't have to wait much longer as the door cracked open and his head hesitantly peeked in. He raised an eyebrow at me and I fought to keep my cool. I couldn't just run up to him and hug him as if I hadn't seen him in a long time, even if that was the case. He didn't know that.

"Everything alright in here?" He asked expectantly. I _had _been laughing rather loudly after all. I cleared my throat and nodded, offering him a small smile.

"Just fell off the bed, dad. I'm fine" He starred at me for a moment before grunting.

"Well, you might as well start getting ready for school. Wouldn't want to be late now"

I left out a shaky breath as Charlie exited the room. I had been so close to losing my composure and jumping up to hug him! I gripped the bed sheets under my hands hard. My knuckles turning white.

Now I had to face _them_.

Those same people who had been my family for the past five years. The ones I've decided to leave behind.

Could I handle seeing Edward again? I wanted to be a part of Edwards life, but not the way I had made the mistake of choosing last time. I wanted to be his friend, but could I? Could I be his friend without creating as much problems as last time?What would he think of this new development?

I sighed. That didn't matter right now. What mattered was that I was human again. I was here with my dad and I was going to make things right again. This time Jacob Black was going to be mine. And I hoped with every fiber of my being that I would also be his.

_**I actually made this chapter the same day as the one before, so bear with me if there are any mistakes because I'm trying to make up for lost time. And the more reviews I get the faster I will update. Reviews really motivate me and trust me, I **__**need **__**the motivation. So please review! It doest take much. LOVE YOU ALL! **_


	6. Not as easy as it seems

_**A/N: I wanted to update earlier but I had no Internet, sorry. And thanks to all of you who reviewed. This chapter is for you guys. Also, conversations are not going to be exactly the same because a) I lost my movie of Eclipse! And b) It's too much of a drag to keep track of it all. Also, I'm currently in Texas, not home, and am going to be here for a month and I wont always have internet access, just incase your wondering why I take so long updating since I'm leaving to Colorado and then Las Vegas in about a week, I don't have much time in my hands, but I'll do my best. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! **_

_**Disclaimer: **__…I DON'T own Twilight. Really, if I did, well… things would have gone a whole lot differently. _

_**Oh, and also. Special thanks to JacobLupo for all of the great ideas! Thanks. **_

_**Not as Easy as It seems**_

I thought that once I got to the past I would come, tell Edward he wasn't the one for me, and get on with my life. I was wrong. Once I saw Edwards smile… how could I tell him that I didn't love him anymore? That I never did? There had to be some way to tell him and not destroy him. Because Edward _did _love me and I couldn't just go and tell him that I didn't love him as if it were nothing. As much horror as this situation caused me I decided that I needed to take things calmly and plan things through. Even though calm was the last thing I was. I just wanted to run down to La Push and see Jacob. But I knew the time would come, and soon.

"Is something wrong, love? You seem distracted" Edward frowned, concerned. Offering him a small smile I shook my head.

"It's nothing. I just have a lot on my mind" And if he only knew what I was thinking…

We were on our way to school, and I was looking forward to it for the first time in my life. To me, seeing school and actually being there made things more official. That I was actually in the past. I at least knew how far back I had gone. Charlie had asked me how my trip to Florida had gone so I knew what to expect today. Jacob was going to be in school today, waiting to see if I was still human. And I wasn't going to change the outcome of this. I would, without a doubt, go down to La Push with him.

"Bella" Edwards face told me what I needed to know as we parked before Forks high. "Would you stay in the car if I asked you to?" Of course I wouldn't. I didn't last time and I surely wouldn't stay now. He stepped out of the car and I followed suit.

"Of course not" He said as he saw me follow.

And then there was Jacob. _Shirtless_ Jacob. I don't think I really noticed this last time, because now I had to force myself to look away from his abs. For Edwards sake, of course. If he hadn't been here I wouldn't have looked away. But I think I hadn't looked away fast enough because Jacob smirked and Edward scowled. I made a mental note to not do that again. At least not until I wasn't with Edward anymore.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I knew perfectly well why he was here, but he didn't know that.

"I heard that you went on a trip to Florida" He said, looking at Edward.

"He's making sure that your still human" Edward told me. Oh, but now I knew what was coming next. As much as I wish that Victoria would have stayed as dead as she was in the future, coming back to the past was a decision well worth seeing her witch-y face again.

"You didn't tell her?" Jacob asked, intrigued, and probably a little smug.

"She doesn't need to worry about that" Edward practically hissed.

"What do I need to know?" It was getting tiring to act clueless. "Is this about Victoria?" I asked, not caring about Edwards surprised expression at the moment.

"So that is why you took me to Florida? You could have tolled me the truth Edward!" I tried sounding a little upset. I was never a good actor, but I think I pulled it off.

"There was never a need for you to worry" I ignored him and turned to look at Jacob.

"You. Why haven't you returned any of my calls?" He looked at me for a moment before he started to walk away.

"I had nothing to say" I started to follow after him but Edward stopped me.

"Bella" He warned,.

"Edward, you need to trust me" I told him.

"I do trust you. It's him I don't trust" I slipped my arm away from his grasp.

"I'll be fine" I turned away from him and walked over to Jacob's motorcycle. He offered me a helmet. I didn't miss the grin though. Just like last time.

"Loose the grin Jacob"

I didn't now what was expected of me now. I was with Jacob in his garage, and while I remember this day, I couldn't really remember what was said past him telling me that I was better of dead than a leech. When I had been a vampire human memories always seemed blurry to me. As if they were from an ancient past. Five years as a vampire made things a little hazy now. My mind tried to deny me the access to something I already lived. Because I was cheating life. No one was supposed to do that. Why was I getting a second chance and not the rest? What made me more special than the next person? I didn't know. I wasn't better than anyone and that's what made me nervous. I couldn't afford to screw things up this time because there wouldn't be a third chance to fix them.

"Why are you so thoughtful?" Jacob's voice threw me away from my inner thoughts.

"Nothing" I lied. Somehow the lie seemed believable this time. Because it was nothing I could tell him.

"So when are you… you know" He couldn't bring himself to say the words he dreaded so much. He didn't want me to change.

He wanted me the way I am, simple, clumsy, Bella Swan. I didn't have to change anything for him. Because his love was real. When you love someone, you don't expect anything from that person but for you to love them as much as they love you. And Edward didn't want me to change, that's true. But he wanted me, and that was already an expectation. Because he expected me to stay human while he was forever trapped in a seventeen year olds body. And that was the biggest expectation of all. Asking me to love him as a human, until I was old and withered, and alone. I couldn't do it, not in my other life, and certainly not in this one.

I sighed " I don't know" I told him uncertainly. Last time I had told him that I was to be changed after graduation, but I wasn't this time. Not that Edward knew about it.

"Your hesitating" Jacob began slowly "Bella, I can see that this isn't what you want. Stay human. Stay with me" He pulled me into a tight embrace. I hugged him back.

"I cant make any decisions right now, Jake" I said, while disentangling myself from him.

"At least your thinking about it. That's good enough for me, Bella"


	7. The Truth

_**A/N; Ok, so there isn't much of a conversation I admit, but I hope that the circumstances around the 'why there isn't one' will please you all. I just thought that there wasn't much use for a big conversation in this chapter. I wanted all of you to feel and read about how Bella felt about it all. I'll try to make up for the lack of dialogue on my next chapter. Please review!**_

* * *

_**Disclaimer; **__Is this even necessary? We're on fan fiction, __fan __fiction! It means nothing in here belongs to any of us!_

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_**Chapter 7; **_

_**The Truth **_

"_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers, starts so soft and sweet and turns them into hunters, a man whose pure of heart and says he's prayers by night, may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright" Florence and the Machine- Howl._

* * *

_**Previously;**_

"_At least your thinking about it. That's good enough for me, Bella"_

* * *

Why did Jacob have to be so good and caring? He was happy that I was at least thinking about it. I felt guilty, why hadn't I just told him that I wasn't planning on becoming a vampire? Oh, yes, now I remember; Edward. He would get one glimpse into Jacob's mind and then think I've been with him out of pity. In a way, that was exactly what was happening, I was with Edward because I felt bad for him, but I wouldn't stay with him forever. I was just trying to find a good enough excuse to leave him.

And now, now I was starring into Jacobs eyes and the intensity behind them had me unable to look away. It felt as if he was looking into my very soul, and that scared me. Had he always looked at me that way and I just hadn't noticed until today? Was it even possible not to have notice such intensity, such devotion? He always tried to please me, always tried to make me see what was right. How had I been capable of leaving him? I felt my throat constrict at the thought. I had made him suffer so much. Wasn't it time that all of the pain he was feeling ended? It was me that was causing it, after all.

"T-thanks, Jake" I managed to choke out.

It was impossible for me to say more. His eyes trapped me, suffocated me. There was no complete truth I could ever tell him, and that made me feel guilty. He deserved so much more than me. I wasn't worthy of him. Who knows, maybe I was messing up everything by choosing to come back. After all, he hadn't imprinted on me, didn't that mean I wasn't the one destined to make him happy? I was being so selfish I hadn't once thought that maybe he would be better off without me. I didn't want to think of it, but I had to. Jacob Black deserved someone so much better than me.

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you" My eyes snapped up to meet his again. I hadn't even known I had averted them in the first place. He seemed undecided, as if he was planning on how to put his next words in a way that wouldn't make me run away.

"Yes?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

I didn't trust my voice to go much higher than that and not crack. I pursed my lips into a thin line when I felt his warm hand cup my face, my eyes never leaving his. I tried to appear calm on the outside, but in truth, my insides were all jumbled up and a mess, my heart was beating faster than I thought possible and my knees felt like they were about to give out from under me at any given moment.

"Bella, I never told you this before because I didn't want you to feel pressured, but if this is the only way to save you from becoming a monster, I will use it" His eyes were filled with such determination that I had to admit, scared me.

"Like I said before, I'm just happy your thinking things through, Bells. But if you are going to do so, I want you to know the truth. Just so you consider all your options"

"W-what are you talking about Jake?" My voice wavered a little.

I was afraid of what he might say next. What was happening? This didn't happen last time! My thoughts were going wild with possibilities, all reminding me how the hooded figure had warned me that nothing would be the same. Was I ready to accept the consequences of my actions? As I starred into Jacob's eyes, I somehow knew that whatever he was about to tell me wasn't something I could just run away from. I knew that whatever words were about to leave his lips would change my life forever. Would change _everything _forever.

"Bella, I Imprinted on you"

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_**A/N; So, what did you guys think? First of all, I want to thank those of you who did review, you guys are the best. Those of you who didn't, please review this chapter! I'm sure that you can all do that for me, right? Right? Pretty please with a cherry on top?**_


	8. The choices we make

_**AN**__; Ok, I know I haven't updated in a long time but I'm a busy person. With College in the way and all the tests and everything I haven't had time for anything. I love this story a lot but real life sucks and you just can't ignore it, so I'm sorry for making you all wait so much, especially all of you who reviewed. You guys are the one's that keep this story alive, so thanks. _

_**Special thanks to;**_

**Whitewolfeprincess10** -_I'm glad to hear you loved it! _

**tinynmia**-_ Thanks for loving the last chapter and sorry to have made you wait so much!_

**Karebears1981**- _Thanks for your review!_

_And of course _**Jacob Lupo**- _Thanks for everything, I'm glad that you like my story so much and for all the advice you've given me, I hope it doesn't stop, you're the best!_

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_**The choices we make**_

_**By **__Dreamingwhileawake_

* * *

_ Previously;_

"_Bella, I Imprinted on you"_

* * *

_-LIFE GOES ON-_

Tears will dry, and life goes on,  
You can't stop, don't think it's done,  
just go ahead and take a step,  
open the door, look straight ahead.

BY Krystal Marie Estrella

* * *

My hearts was pounding so hard it was all I could hear, all I could even concentrate on. I had fantasized about this moment every day after I became aware of what I had lost in the future, and now, I was speechless. I didn't dare blink, fearing that once I did everything would disappear and be replaced by the path I had chosen long ago. I parted my lips to speak, but nothing came out, my mind was blank with surprise and shock and there was nothing I could say to make him know how much I really loved him, how much his words had made me fill with infinite joy. So much that he'd left me speechless.

I could feel the tingling sensation in my cheeks and then my eyes as tears threatened to spill. My first coherent thought was to tell him that I loved him, too, that I always had, but then Edward invaded my mind and every single feeling of joy left me, like air leaving a popped balloon; all in less than a second. I promised myself that I wouldn't let Edward stand in the way but I couldn't just betray him like this, he didn't deserve it. All of this, it was my fault and no one else's. I'd been stupid and selfish and now it was my time to pay for the mistakes I'd made; for hurting Jake so much in the past and for how much I would hurt Edward in the near future.

"Bella?" I looked up at Jacob's worried face and burst into tears.

It could not be helped, I was desperate. I wanted to jump up and hug him and kiss him, but I couldn't because Edward and I were still together and now I didn't now what to do. I understood this was some kind of punishment , for making as many mistakes as I had and hurting everyone that loved me for my own selfish reasons.

"I'm s-so sorry Jake, so s-sorry" I sobbed, turning on my heel and making a run for it.

It broke my heart to be leaving him there all alone after a confession like that, but it hurt me even more because I loved him. I loved him, and Dam it, it _hurt_.

I barely registered the fact that I had ran my way out of the reservation until I stumbled breathlessly upon Edward waiting for me on his silver Volvo. It must have been the worst day of my life because he was the last person I wanted to see today. Not after Jacob had confessed he had imprinted on me, that I was his soul mate.

"Bella, what did that mutt do to you?" Anger was clear in his voice as he examined me over for any possible injuries.

"He did nothing Edward, nothing!" I surprised us both by snapping. But I was tired of all of this, I wanted it this all to be over.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired. Can you take me home?" I didn't wait for his response as I got into the Volvo, arms wrapped tightly around myself to keep me from falling apart in front of Edward.

* * *

That day I told Edward that I needed to be alone and pretended to be sick so Charlie would allow me to stay home from school the next day. It didn't take much convincing as I told him Edward wouldn't be visiting for the day either.

I sat on my bed with a hand running through my loose hair every now and then. I had noticed my red shirt missing, just like last time, but this time I hadn't talked about it to the Cullen's, I didn't know if I wanted them involved in this fight yet. Of course, I knew that they were half of the reason why we won the battle against Victoria and the newborns last time, but if I were to let them fight for me I had to first confess my true feelings to Edward, so they didn't do something they'd rather not after I spoke the truth.

There was only one problem, I didn't know how. I didn't know how I would confront Edward about all of this, I didn't know how to tell him that I was sorry because I didn't love him anymore. Was there even a way to tell a person that you didn't love them without hurting them? Of course not. I remembered the day Edward did it to me, it had hurt like hell. But, of course, Jacob had been there to make it all better. Edward would have no one, because I knew he wouldn't allow his family to console him.

But I had to speak the truth soon, before he came and proposed that we marry. Which he had already, in the meadow, but it hadn't been as formal as the one he would ask me in his room. And as much as I would hate myself for hurting him I would not make the wrong decision twice. I would tell him I loved Jacob and even if it hurt him I would walk away from his life forever. Just as he had once done to me, in this case, however, I was not coming back.

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_**AN; Soooo, what did you all think? Short, I know, but my muse has been misbehaving lately, so this is what you get. Sorry. **_


	9. Here comes the Truth again

_**A/N: It's been far too long, hasn't it? My reasons; College and, well, life in general has been keeping me busy. Besides, I've decided that if not many people are reviewing then they don't really care if I update or not. I don't write in fanfiction for it to just be there and look pretty. **_

_**Special THANKS to JacobLupo whom without, this chapter might have never been. I'm thankful for the time you took to help me. You were kind of my Beta for the chapter. So thanks. **_

_**And to everyone else who actually reads my story, if you get bored of waiting me to update then visit JacobLupos page. There are some amazing stories in there!**_

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_Honesty is honestly,_

_the hardest thing_

_for me right now... yeah._

_While the floors underneath _

_our feet are crumbling, _

_The walls we built together_

_tumblin'_

_I still stand here_

_holdin' up the roof_

_Cause it's easier than_

_telling the truth. **- The Truth by Kris Allen**_

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_**Here comes the Truth**_

_**By**_

_****Dreaming While Awake_

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"Something's wrong with you Bella, why won't you tell me? I've seen you make choice after choice, most not involving Edward. What's going on?" Alice asked me the very next day after dropping by the house in a surprise visit. Thankfully Charlie had already left for work.

I starred over at the pixie-like vampire whom I considered a sister, with a sad look in my face. I knew that when the words left my mouth- after I told Edward- the Cullen's would no longer be my family. But I knew it to be the only way; I couldn't avoid hiding the truth any longer. I felt tears welling up but held them back. I knew this would be difficult to say without getting upset. After a few moments I couldn't hold back anymore and burst out;

"Oh, Alice" I said as I allowed a few tears to fall.

Alice immediately sat on the bed beside me, looking worried.

"It's just that, Edward left me. I know I forgave him but he left, that will never change. And I've thought things through, after I talked to Rosalie I _really _began to think. I don't want to live forever; I want to grow old and have kids, and see my kids have their own" I pleaded with her to understand with my eyes. These things I said were merely excuses, but the truth would be told.

"Bella" Alice's voice shook a little as she hugged me. I hugged her back then, because there was simply no way I would pass up hugging her knowing that soon I'd have to learn to live without her. "I understand" She whispered in my ear.

"I know" I whispered back "But it's hard for me to accept this because I'm going to miss you all so much. I just, I moved on and when Edward came back I hadn't known this yet. I don't want to hurt him" I told her, releasing her from my hug.

"Bella, look at me" Alice demanded, her voice soft as she grasped both of my hands in hers. The cold of her hands still managed to surprise me; having been a vampire for a few years I'd gotten used to them feeling warm. I looked up into her eyes with little hesitation.

"I can't believe you would think that we would turn our back on you if you broke up with Edward! You're part of our family even if you don't marry Edward, we're not going anywhere; we just got here." She assured me.

I was amazed by her response but I realized almost instantly it was nothing to be surprised about. The Cullen's considered me family and in my heart I knew they always would. While still upset I felt happier now that the truth had been told at least to one of the Cullen's.

"I know that this will hurt Edward, but it would be for the best. He will understand your decision Bella, he's been the one trying to change your mind all this time, remember?" I nodded, sniffing.

"I'm going to tell him today. Can you ask him to come by? That I want to talk to him?" Alice nodded, pausing before giving me a small kiss on the forehead and disappearing. I let out a long shaky breath as I let my body plop back down onto my bed. This was it. I was finally going to tell Edward the truth.

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A little while after Alice left there was a knock on the door. I immediately knew who it was; Edward. The once love of my life. A vampire whom I thought I had fallen madly in love with the first time I saw him, not realizing it had merely been my fascination of what he was and that someone like him would ever love someone like me. I had been blinded by his beauty and the mystery that always seemed to surround him, even after I had discovered his secret.

He had once said to me that everything about him and his kind draws people in, I can still remember as I opened the door, and as I saw his face once again I realized that he had spoken the truth. I had been lured in just like any other human would have. Any human being would have thought themselves in love with a vampire as stunning as Edward if they had been given enough time without being sucked dry. I happened to be such human.

I held the door open so he could come in and immediately lead him towards the living room. None of us sat down. I couldn't bring myself to sit, as I was far too nervous and Edward was beyond human pretences by the look on his normally stone smooth face.

"Bella what's wrong?'' Edward's voice was thick with concern and helplessness. Something inside of me told me that some part of him knew what was coming next.

I didn't speak for a long while, my throat had clamped up and I was trying to calm myself long enough so I could finally tell him the truth. It wasn't easy but I never thought it would be. Since day one I knew that it didn't matter in what way I said it or in what tone, the truth would always hurt him.

"I… Edward, I'm so sorry" I always seemed to be apologizing to people for some reason, though this one was more than justified as I was about to break his heart, and in some way, part of my own. That part that no matter what would always belong to him.

"What are you talking about Bella?" He ran a hand through his messy bronze hair. Something he always did when he got frustrated or felt lost. He took a step in my direction and I took one back, raising my hand in the air in a signal for him to stop.

"Just listen to me, ok?" I pleaded. He nodded gravely "A lot of things have happened between us, not all bad but this last one; it made me realize something. Edward, I love you, I will never come to deny that but it's just, I'm not _in _love with you" I finally choked out. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I saw his expression; the pain behind his eyes told me that he understood me perfectly.

"It's Jacob Black, isn't it? You love him'' Edward stated, his voice cool.

"I'm sorry" I choked out "I'm s-so sorry" I couldn't bare looking him in the eyes, knowing how much I was hurting him by admitting that I've moved on. A sudden swoosh of air alerted me of his presence before me, though I remained starring at the floor loyally.

There was silence for a long moment before I felt his cool lips touch against my forehead. I looked up, tears streaming down my face. His face was twisted in a mask of pain, his lips turned downwards in a grimace.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about, Bella" He told me, his voice strained. "This is my fault. I wanted you to remain human and now you will be. I'm just not happy with your choice. That mutt… he's not stable, Bella" He wiped a tear off my cheek.

"I-I love him" I confessed, not that he didn't know that by now. I didn't want to hurt him any further but I also needed for him to understand that I couldn't help who I loved.

"Just… Just promise me something, will you?" He managed to ask. I nodded almost immediately. "Be careful around him, run if he's angry. Just, be safe" I felt his nose atop of my head, his lips brushing against my forehead one last time before he took a step back.

"Wait! You're, you're not leaving, are you?" I knew I shouldn't be asking him to stay, but I needed to make sure that he'd be fine, and I didn't want him to leave because of me. "I don't want you to leave, Esme would worry." _I_ would worry.

He grimaced "I don't know if I am capable of staying here and watch you be with the mutt, I… I don't think I'm that strong. I'm sorry, Bella" I shook my head almost desperately.

"Don't apologize to me, just don't. I'm the one who hurt you, I should be the one apologizing, not you, Edward" I wiped the fresh wave of tears away and sniffed. "You don't have to leave because of me. I'll leave; I'll go back to Jacksonville with my mom. I won't be the one to keep you from your family, they need you, Edward." I didn't want to leave, Jacob was here, but I wasn't about to make Edward leave his family because of me. It wasn't fair of me to take everything away.

"Charlie needs you here, Bella, he loves you. He'd be all alone if you left" He shook his head. "I won't go this instant. I'll make sure that you and Jacob are fine together and then I'll leave" I pursed my lips, nodding even though I didn't want him to leave. It was just one of the things I would have to accept. I couldn't have everything.

"Thank you for everything, Edward. And I really am sorry" He gave me a slight nod, his face unreadable as he sped away, disappearing before my eyes.

This time I didn't wipe away the fresh wave of tears as they poured from my eyes. It had been difficult to willingly hurt the man I had once loved, but it had been necessary. I took a few steps back, sliding down the walls length till I reached the floor. Tucking both of my knees into my chest I wrapped my arms around them and rested my head on top.

"I really am sorry" I whispered shakily into the empty room.

Even though I cried for Edward I knew I had made the right choice. I would always love him but I would always love Jacob Black the more. That didn't stop it from hurting though; even knowing that this was what I had come back in time for, to choose differently and live the life I knew I was supposed to live. The life I had chosen wrong the first time around.

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**_A/N: Please Review! I already have part of the next chapter done, I just need motivation to finish it. _**


	10. Thoughtless

_**A/N;**__**Apparently I'm moving to South Carolina, it was so sudden I really didn't see it coming. I haven't been writing because I've been crying like a baby since I don't want to move but I don't have much of an option even though I'm 18. Now I'm always getting headaches because of this. I pity myself at times. Anyways, this chapter isn't one of the best but I felt obliged to write something for you guys before I decided to return to my brooding. Sorry guys. Ignore the grammar errors if you can.**_

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Thanks to all of you who reviewed! I don't know if you guy's have noticed but there are a few pics for some of the chapters in my profile. I will be doing more eventually.

**midnightblue19**- Thank you! I'm doing my best and trying to write more.

**Lauryn**- Your awesome, thanks!

**jessygrl**- So glad to hear your loving it, hope this chapter isn't too much of a downer.

**anonymous**- Thanks!

**Jacob Lupo** - Thanks! Your always a great help.

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**I have reached the end, and I don't know  
(What I believe in anymore)**

**There's something crazy runnin' wild inside my brain**  
**I have seen the truth become my lie**  
**(Relive my shame, swallow my pride)**

**I have crossed the line and I know there's no turning back!**

**You kiss away all of my pain!**  
**You wash away these bloody stains**  
**You are to blame my suffering**  
**(My..my..my suffering)**

**You kiss away all of the pain!**  
**You wash away these bitter stains**  
**You are to blame my suffering**  
**(My..my..my suffering)**

**I've seen the devil in a smile**  
**(I found salvation in a vial)**

_Song;_**My suffering- Dead By Sunrise**

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_Thoughtless_

_By _**Dreaming While Awake**

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Two days later, during breakfast, I realized it was strange how I'd been fast in acting when it came to telling Edward the truth yet I hadn't contacted Jacob in two whole days. Not that I was in the best of shape to confront him after two days of bawling my eyes out. I just felt too guilty to think of approaching him, both because of Edward and that the last time I'd seen Jacob he'd confessed that I was his soul mate and I had ran away from him.

"Bella, you okay in there?" Charlie's wry voice made me realize I'd been starring at my cereal for most part of the morning.

"I'm fine dad" I offered him a small, sad smile.

To say that he was shocked of my decision to break up with Edward would be the understatement of the century. Now he was even more worried because even though I'd told him I loved Jacob, I hadn't made any indication that I would go looking for him.

He sighed "I'm going down to Billy's for a bonfire they're making… are you sure you don't want to come along?" I shook my head, wanting to say yes but not ready to face things just yet.

"I think I'm going to head out to Port Angeles, get some fresh air and think. I promise I'll be careful and that I'll be back before it gets dark" Even though I was supposedly grounded for the rest of my life after the stunt I pulled back when I went to Volterra, Charlie wasn't completely unreasonable and understood that I needed to get out.

He hesitated for a minute before nodding. He still had a few issues with me going anywhere alone, he thought I'd suddenly decide to leave again. I felt bad because of that but there was nothing that I could do about it.

"Fine, but remember to use the pepper spray I gave you if anyone tries anything funny" I offered him a smile and nodded.

"Sure thing, dad" I promised before standing up and throwing the plate in the sink. I wasn't hungry anymore, I just wanted to leave the house as quickly as possible and get some fresh air.

Change was good; scary, but good. I had come back in time because I wanted change, so I knew that it entitled a lot of fear before it actually came in effect and then the fear would vanish and everything would turn out to be ok, or so I hoped. I don't know if that was the reason I hurled myself into the bathroom and starred at my reflection for a whole hour before grabbing the keys to my beat up truck and heading out. What I needed to do was accept that things had changed, as I had wanted them to, and that there were consequences to every choice I made. I would go to Port Angeles and solve my internal issues before coming back home and most definitely, La Push.

I decided that if I was going to go and face Jacob I would do it as a completely conflict free person. I wanted to start anew and this was my way of making sure the past stayed where it was supposed to.

Not that things ever went the way I wanted them to. Or maybe they did and then I would realize that it wasn't actually what I had wanted them to be. It was the story of my life and the cause of so many problems. As much as I had been called mature by my mother I think that maybe she was wrong. I may have had to cook for both of us and worry for the bills to be paid but in the end that was only because I _had _to. My decisions prior my leave from Arizona hadn't been thought over as much. I regretted it immensely because I would have avoided much strife if I had.

I got to Seattle pretty early and after a while of looking for some books I decided to go shopping for a few shirts- I didn't want to go shopping for clothing but I needed them. That was when I saw a red tee that was on sale. My face paled and I think I would have collapsed at the sight. I wasn't crazy, though I wish I was at the moment. My red shirt had gone missing a while back and I had forgotten all about it. How could I be as stupid as to forget that there were newborns in Seattle, especially when they were looking for me? I stormed out of the store and onto the almost empty streets of Seattle. The sun was setting and the few people that were about seemed to be disappearing one by one into cars or buildings. Deciding not to stick around I practically ran to my truck and sighed in relief once I was in it. I knew I wasn't safe inside of it if a vampire decided to attack me then and there, but at least it felt safer than being outside in the dark, alone.

I started the truck with its usual roar and gradually relaxed as the city grew farther away. The trip hadn't helped me much and I wondered if anything ever would. Why was I even complicating things so much? Jacob wanted me and I wanted him, why couldn't I just go down to La Push as I had first intended and relieve him of his anguish? I didn't want to make him suffer but I was a coward and in the end it won out. I've always wanted Jacob even though I hadn't realized it until it was too late and even then I had gotten the chance to change it all. The truth was that I was scared. It was a ridiculous notion after all I had gone through and the horrors I had seen, but it was the truth. I was afraid that something would happen that would tear us apart; the newborn army was one of them but my greatest concern wasn't it. Every time I thought of them my heart would beat erratically inside of my chest and the air would escape my lungs in an almost painful manner. _The Voulturi_, the name chilled me to the bone and left me numb. What was there to do against _them_? But then again, the newborns were a much closer threat at the moment.

I blinked, suddenly realizing I had already gotten home. I hadn't even noticed. Taking a deep breath I exited the truck and absentmindedly made my way up to the house. It was dark and quiet; Charlie had already headed out to the bonfire. Opening the door I tried not to trip over my own feet as I tried localizing the light switch. A hand beat me to it and I shrieked when I came face to face with a naked chest. My eyes widened and I would have fallen backwards if two warm hands hadn't darted out to steady me. I looked up and a gasp tore its way from my throat.

"Jake"

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_**A/N; The name of the chapter 'Thoughtless' means much more than just Bella heading out to Seattle and forgetting about the newborns roaming about. I actually named it that way because she really is being thoughtless about Jacob's feelings. She knows she's making him suffer but her cowardice wins over any pain she might be causing him. I think the next chapter will be trying to make her realize how much she really means to him even before he imprinted on her and how much her ignoring him is tearing him apart. Maybe It should be a Jacob's POV, what do you guys think?**_


	11. His love

_**A/N:** I don't have much to say, since I really don't have the time. I'm surprised that I managed to finish this in my hour break, since I kind of assured JacobLupo that I would ;) Well, I have five minutes to get to my next class, so bye! Hope you enjoy reading Jacob's POV. It starts off right after Jake confesses he imprinted on Bella. I'll try my best to update soon._

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_**Thanks to:**_

_**JacobLupo**- __Thanks, I made this Jacob's POV for you! _

_**Anon**- __Thank you so much! I really apreciate it :)_

_**rllance**-__ Thank you!_

_You Guy's are awesome! _

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Tell me, how were you able  
To control the urge to kill the wolf at the table?

His love  
His love  
You spoke of

Do you struggle for the words?  
Does the right way to put it  
Sometimes hurt?

Am I just like you?  
Could I ever truly know  
What I would do?

I just wanna know how you were able  
To survive so long  
With a wolf at the table

Tell me, how were you able  
To control the urge to kill the wolf at the table?

His love  
His love  
His love  
His love  
His love  
His love  
His love  
You spoke of

One, two, three, four  
His love right out the door **- **

_**His love **by **Tegan and SARA**_

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**His love**

_By Dreaming while awake_

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**Jacob's POV**

She ran away from me. Spun around with one spluttered apology and sprinted off without once looking back. I knew I shouldn't have told her, that the bloodsucker had his claws too deep within her and that she would always choose him over me. Still, I couldn't stop the pain that suddenly engulfed my chest, the anger that made my body quiver and shake until I lost complete control and exploded into russet fur; my bones cracking and bending until they formed the shape of a wolf. Thoughts that weren't my own invaded me so suddenly that I whimpered. I was used to it but all the questions that were being thrown my way had me running at top speed, trying to keep my mind blank so I didn't have to remember those last few minutes before I lost complete control.

'_Jake?'_

'_Jake'_

'_What happened?'_

'_Are you ok?'_

'_What's wrong?'_

I howled, shaking my head from side to side and trying to get them to leave me alone. Was it too much to ask to be left alone with my pain?

'_Everyone phase back and leave Jacob alone' _Sam commanded _'we'll speak later' _He directed the last part at me before everything went silent.

I allowed my legs to give out from under me, burying my nuzzle into my paws and letting out yet another pathetic whine. I couldn't help it, my heart felt as if it had been torn from my chest. My Bella, _my imprint _didn't want me.

Two days later felt like an eternity. I was just about ready to jump off a cliff if it took away the pain. I was miserable. The only one who knew the reason was Sam who'd allowed me not to phase if I didn't feel like it. How could I even live like this? I felt like part of my soul was missing. I grimaced. I had to speak to Bella, It didn't matter if she loved the bloodsucker and not me, I had to see her. I exited my room, trudging towards the living room where I heard noise coming from. I would tell dad that I was off to see Bella, even if the bloodsucker was there.

"Jake, look who's here" Dad was quick to spot me signaling towards Charlie. Dad was grinning and I wondered what got him so happy when I was so miserable.

"Jacob, you look horrible" Charlie said bluntly. I couldn't just tell him that it was all because Bella turned me down though so I settled for a shrug.

"Spit it out Charlie, you well know why he's like that" Dad gave Charlie a look. I frowned, what where they up to? I didn't have time for this, I needed to see Bella.

"Bella broke up with the Cullen kid because of you" My eyes went wide as I took in his serious expression. He seemed torn on what to think of all of this though.

"Bella did that? I need to go see her" I darted out of the house as quickly as I could without startling Charlie.

"She's not home!" I heard Charlie shout after me but I didn't care. I would wait for her to come back for days if that's how long it took. All I know is that I needed to see her _now_.

I sprinted through the dense woods, my frame shaking as I triggered the need to phase. Soon after I exploded into a wolf, Jared and Paul's surprised thoughts quickly entered my mind but I pushed them aside, focusing on running.

Bella's house was dark, she wasn't home but I didn't care. I climbed up her tree and into her room before walking downstairs. I would wait until she got back; I needed to know why she broke it off with the bloodsucker. If she did it because she loved me or because she felt obligated to do so because I imprinted on her, I hoped with all my might that she did it because she felt the same as I did for her. I didn't know what I'd do if she didn't love me as I loved her.

Two hours later the familiar sound of the trucks engine made itself known. It was time to know the truth. I waited in the shadows as I heard her footsteps coming closer, the doorknob twisting and turning as the door opened with a loud grunt. My breath caught in my throat as I saw her step in, oblivious to my presence in the darkness that engulfed the house. She reached for the light switch in a clumsy manner squeaking and stumbling back as my hand beat her to it and she came face to face with my chest. My arms darted out to steady her instinctively and she looked up, eyes wide.

"Jake" She gasped.

And that's all it took for me to crash my lips down on hers.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be Bella's POV. Just though you guys might want an insight on what Jacob was thinking during it all. I wonder how she'll react to the kiss… Anyways, remember to REVIEW please! Love you all ^_^**


	12. Her fears

_**A/N; **OMG! I can't believe I updated so soon, and on my busiest week ever! I'm so freaking proud of myself – sniffs-. I promise the action is coming soon, even though none of you have really complained about it XD .Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter! **VOTE ON THE POLL TO CHANGE MY STORY TITLE. **_

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own twilight or any of its characters._

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_**Thanks for reviewing;**_

**KasCullenPotter- **THANK YOU! (Sorry, everytime I try writting it all down the website deletes it!)

**jessicaluvs1d**** –** lol, I'm so glad you love it!

**Lady-Isowen**** – **Here it is!

**lildee-dee247**** – **Lol, I'm glad you love it! Things are going to get much more interesting after this ;)

**VeniVediVici**** – **I totally agree with you!

**Jacob Lupo****- **Thank you, it means a lot to me! Thanks for everything!

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**Her Fears **

_By Dreaming while awake_

He was kissing me. His soft, warm lips moving against my own with such intensity that my mind went blank. I felt like I was melting and my legs quivered. The assault was so unexpected that I hadn't even had time to think of reasons why he'd be here after my rejection. That didn't matter now, however. All I could concentrate on was his lips moving against my own.

Jacob had kissed me once before, twice if I counted the kiss I had given him to convince him not to fight against the newborn's army. But this was different. When he'd first kissed me back then I had been blind of my own love for him and hadn't allowed myself to think or feel. The second time I'd done it out of desperation and I had been too troubled to feel anything but worry for his life. This time, however, it was like kissing the sun, warm and fuzzy; like kissing _my_ Jake, not the boy who'd been desperate to make me chose between him and Edward. I could practically feel the love oozing from his lips like ambrosia. I leaned back regretfully, taking a lung full of much needed air. I couldn't believe I had kissed him back, it made me wonder why I hadn't done it before. It was necessary though, I couldn't have allowed myself to kiss him like this if I had been with Edward.

"Bella" I blushed beneath his smothering gaze, unlike me he didn't seem breathless.

"I love you" I froze for a second before having to remind myself that there was no reason for me to fear those words. I was free; I could tell him I loved him back without having to think of hurting Edward.

"I, I-I love you too" This time I was the one to close the gap between our lips, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him with all I had. I'd been waiting to do this for such a long time I could hardly believe it was happening. I whimpered when Jacob pulled back, his hands cradling my face tenderly. He grinned, that beautiful smile that made my heart beat erratically inside my chest.

"You love me?" He asked, his smile growing bigger when I nodded.

"More than anything" I whispered.

"Then why did you run away from me when I told you I imprinted on you?" He frowned. Guilt struck me when I saw his eyes flash with hurt.

"I-I had to tell Edward. I couldn't wait to do it but I didn't know how to tell him. I hadn't realized I moved on, that I didn't love him until it was too late. I know that I should have told him but I felt like I owed him, he almost killed himself because of me. I'm sorry" I apologized, hoping that he'd forgive me for everything I'd done. My body relaxed as his arms wrapped themselves around my smaller form in a tight embrace.

"God, Bella, I love you so much. I have nothing to forgive" He buried his nose in my hair, breathing in my scent.

The clearing of a throat had me stumbling back in surprise, my cheeks flaming up in embarrassment as I took in Charlie's form standing by the open door. I hadn't even realized I had left it open.

"Ch-dad!" I managed to choke out. How long had he been standing there? I narrowed my eyes up at Jacob, how could he not have noticed it? He looked down at me and shrugged innocently.

"I'm glad you kids seem to have fixed things between each other though next time I'd appreciate it if you kept the PDA to a minimum" I blushed, I was so embarrassed! "I'll leave you two to it then" Charlie started to walk by us, stopping lightly to clap Jake on the shoulder.

"Don't think I won't be keeping an eye on you two" He threatened lightly before continuing on his way.

Kill me now!

Jake was reluctant to leave when the clock struck twelve, which was actually later than what Charlie would normally allow. Once he asked me to leave my window open I was quick to comply, I didn't want to be away from Jake after just getting him. Those few minutes that I had alone weren't pretty though. After entering my room and changing into my Pj's my mind couldn't help but gain awareness. The newborn army was my top concern. Fear gripped my heart as I remembered what happened last time, how Jake had gotten hurt protecting Leah. Things would obviously be different now; Edward wouldn't be there to protect me. Still, I had to speak to Alice, tell her that a few of my clothes had gone missing and let her reach her own conclusions.

I jumped, startled out of my thoughts as Jacob came through the window. I smiled, my heart feeling lighter already. Jake could always make me feel better by just being there. He silently made his way towards me, lying down beside me and wrapping a warm arm around my waist. I sighed happily, feeling complete for the first time in my life as I rested my head on top his bare chest.

"I love you" I murmured sleepily. His arm tightened slightly around me and he pressed a soft kiss to my temple.

"I love you too, Bella. More than you'll ever know"

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_**A/N: Hehehe, Charlie is so bad! Interrupting their moment like that, bad Charlie! Anyways, REVIEW please! Love you all :) **_

_**Me: Bella, come tell my readers hi! **_

_**Bella: Hey, everyone! Please review the story or I'll dump Jacob!**_

_**Me: I didn't tell you to say that! –Glares at Bella-**_

_**Bella: Oh, right. Review or she'll just kill him off during the newborn battle. **_

_**Me: BELLA! Anyways, don't forget to VOTE ON THE POLL for a title change for the story. **_


	13. Human

_**A/N; **Before any of you say anything; Finals have been killing me! I only have two weeks left of College before summer starts and then I have to pack my remaining things to move to South Carolina and start hunting down a good University. It's depressing and there is no wonder why I haven't been able to update with all of the things I still have to get done! Thanks for those of you who reviewed, you're the best!_

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_**Special thanks to all of my reviewers;**_

_**Samantha Keily **– Thank You!_

_**Jacob Lupo- **Thank you for the suggestion! I'll be keeping it in mind. _

_**Spikes-kitty-kat-Tiff- **Thanks, I appreciate your review! _

_**Wolfgirl-Jake-Seth- **Thank You!_

_**KasCullenPotter…- **Lol, well, I like to thank my reviewers! I'm so glad you loved it! Your awesome!_

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_Take me, I'm alive  
Never was a girl with a wicked mind  
But everything looks better  
When the sun goes down_

I had everything  
Opportunities for eternity  
And I could belong to the night

Your eyes, your eyes  
I can see in your eyes, your eyes

You make me wanna die  
I'll never be good enough  
You make me wanna die  
And everything you love  
Will burn up in the light

And every time  
I look inside your eyes  
You make me wanna die

Taste me, drink my soul  
Show me all the things  
That I shouldn't know  
And there's a blue moon on the rise

_**-**Make me wanna die by the pretty reckless_

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_**Human**_

_By_

_**Dreaming while awake**_

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The next few days were hectic, especially because the Cullen's had caught wind of the newborns in Seattle. Alice had called me to make sure I stayed away from there and I had found myself blurting that I suspected someone had been in my room and stolen some of my clothes.

"_How can you be as careless as to not tell me of this earlier, Bella?" _She'd screeched through the phone. She was very angry at me for not saying anything until now. I ended up with more than I could chew when _Edward _called to tell Billy about it. His reasoning had been my safety, of course. He preferred Jacob be angry when he was as far from me as possible. He still didn't trust him not to hurt me. It was infuriating.

Jacob was on my doorstep in less than five minutes, very nearly suffocating me with his embrace. I understood that he was worried about me but I could never understand how he could feel so much for someone like me.

"Why didn't you tell me, Bella? I had to learn that you were being hunted down because of that leech!" He growled. He was really upset about having to learn that my life was in danger from Edward. I can't say I didn't understand him but I hadn't been the one to tell him. I hadn't even wanted to tell Alice!

"I-I wasn't sure if I was right or not until Alice called to warn me about the newborns in Seattle" I confessed guiltily. I didn't like seeing him so upset because of me.

"Hey" He softened up after seeing my expression. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to get so upset. It's just that the mere thought of those leeches after you makes my blood boil" His arms encircled me once again, this time in a comforting gesture.

"I understand" I murmured into his chest. I'd feel the same way if our roles were reversed.

The following days I had Jake going protective mode over me; refusing to leave my side for the briefest of moments. Me being his imprint was just another excuse to keep me away from the Cullens, specifically, Edward. We hadn't gotten a chance to speak yet and for that I was glad. I wouldn't know what to say if I ever got the chance. I guess being stuck in a reservation full of werewolves had its benefits when one wanted to hide away from their ex vampire boyfriend. Sadly, I would have to face Edward sooner or later. It wasn't like I would allow any plans involving the newborns to be brewed without me, even if that was exactly what Jacob wanted.

"Please, Bella? Just stay here with Emily, I'll tell you every single detail about what goes on in the meeting when I get back" It wasn't like I didn't know what happens but I wanted to be there, just in case. I really wanted to go, but then again, I don't think I was ready to face the fire just yet, I was such a coward.

"I don't know about this, Jake. Why can't I go? I'll keep out of the way, I promise" I wasn't even sure why I was pleading to go anymore. I knew Jacob would get his way in the end, especially because my mind was reeling at the possibility of facing Edward, or any of the Cullen's for that matter.

"Bella, please stop being so stubborn. I'd feel better if you stayed here with Emily". I sighed in defeat, my already wavering resolution crushing down on me. Normally I wouldn't have relented so quickly, if at all, but I guess I was both too much of a coward and I owed Jake a lot even though he didn't know it.

So much for not wanting to be left out of the loop;

"If it makes you happy, I'll stay" Right. I make it sound like I actually _did _want to go. My stomach fluttered when he planted a small kiss on my lips, a grin stretching out on his previously worried features.

It was so easy to please Jacob, sometimes.

I bit into the giant chocolate cupcake Emily had given me thoughtfully. My thoughts were a jumbled mess thanks to my nerves. Just thinking about the wolves watching the Cullens train had me on edge. I just hoped everything went ok, like last time.

"What's on your mind, Bella?" Emily's soft voice spoke from across the small dining table. I looked up to find her offering me a patient smile.

Even though I didn't know Emily much, I always found her presence to be soothing. Still, I couldn't help but hesitate. I wasn't one to just blurt my feelings out to anyone. It was a trait I had inherited from Charlie. I bit my lip when I felt Emily place her hand on top of my own.

"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it, Bella." She reassured "It's just that sometimes we feel better if we have someone to share our problems with" Her words, I found, were kind and sincere.

My mind went blank for a brief second before I offered her a small smile. "Thank you, Emily" I murmured with suppressed emotion. It felt nice to know that someone who didn't even know me for long cared enough to ask.

I left out a small puff of breath, reading myself to speak. How to put in words what I felt without giving away anything?

"It's just that I feel vulnerable, like anything could come and break me. It's a horrible feeling" It was a _human _feeling, something I chose to feel when I gave up my existence as an immortal. I didn't regret it, of course, but I wasn't used to all these feelings trying to suffocate me; it had been such a long time in which anything could truly faze me. It wasn't easy to get used to being so fragile when I had once been indestructible, for the most part. Emily patted my hand before giving it a gentle squeeze. I had a feeling she would have hugged me if we weren't sitting on opposite ends of the table.

"That is perfectly normal, Bella. Everything you have been through would have been too much for anyone else, yet here you are. Your very brave and kind, and I know without a doubt that when all of this is over you'll get the happy ending you deserve with Jacob" I felt my chest tightening at her words, willing them to be true. No matter how well things were going, there was a part of me that couldn't help but fear what lay ahead. The words spoken by the hooded figure were no empty warnings and I was scared that whatever changed would be the end of the people I loved.

"You don't know how much you've helped me, Emily. Thank you" I told her, my voice a little shaky. This time Emily did stand up and went around the table to hug me. I returned it with fervor.

Reality was that I had been feeling a little lonely without the Cullen's around. It was nice to know I had someone to talk to if I ever needed to. It wasn't like I could tell something to Jacob without the whole pack knowing it.

"You have nothing to thank me for, Bella" She smiled kindly and I couldn't help but return it.

For the first time in a long while, I felt like I belonged.

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_**A/N; Please Review! Isn't the new button just adorable? It MAKES you want to click it! ;) **_


	14. Chapter 14

_**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!**_

**As it turns out, I lied. I'm sooo sorry for that, It wasn't really my intention to! The thing is that my laptop crashed and now I have to wait till they get it fixed. I'm going to try and rebuild the last chapter from scratch though I'm not sure It'll turn as good if i do. Anyways, It's going to be taking longer than expected but hopefully It'll be out before July- I'll do my best, really! I just got a lot on my plate all of a sudden :$**

**Sorry, Again! Please don't leave me! **

**Xx Krystal M. xX**


	15. Awake

_**A/N; **How long has it been since I last updated? I know I promised that I would update before June 12 and then retracted it but I've just made it to South Carolina Yesterday and I'm REALLY busy and tired. Plus the internet wasn't working until , like, five minutes ago. I know, all excuses but they're valid ones! (God, I feel so out of place here! :( Anyways, this chapter was supposed to be the ending but I really don't know how long the ending chapters will drag. There will be a sequel eventually, but it will probably be out in July (no promises! I suck at those). Also, for those of you who love an **Emmett/ Oc **story you can visit my account in Wattpad where you can find me under the name of **Kmegahr16**, the story is called 'The Diary Effect' if anyone is interested. Thanks to all of you who reviewed and hopefully will review these last chaptes. Feel free to PM me with any questions, I'm always up for answering questions :)_

_**I normally don't ask for reviews but since I only got 3 on my last chapter I won't be updating until I get at least 10 reviews, sorry.**_

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_**Word count: **2,576 words (I made it extra long for you guys! Longer than the others at least -shrugs)_

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_Thanks for reviewing;_

_**BigTimeGleekBTR- **Thanks, I'm sorry I kept you all waiting!_

_**DGfleetfox- **I think I answered your question, correct me if I'm wrong. Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it! _

_**Wolfgirl-Jake-Seth- ** Thank you so much!_

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_**~ Awake~**_

_By_

_**Dreaming while awake**_

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My nerves stood on end as I sat on the shores of the cold beach, wrapped in an oversized jacket and a wool blanket Emily had lent me. It was freezing cold but I was feeling numb to it all. My nerves were making me nauseous and even though I've been through this before, it was definitely not the same. Today was the day were everything started, the day in which my problems just started to amplify and I was _terrified_. There were so many factors but the only one present in my mind at the moment was Victoria. I knew how it all ended; I've experienced it all before. Still, something in the pit of my stomach warned me against this day. Against letting the Cullen's fight, against letting Jacob get hurt because of me. Everyone was readying themselves for a battle that was my own, a battle I could not win by myself.

A warm arm encircled me and a small smile crossed my lips despite the foreboding feeling that entrapped me. I looked up slightly as Jake's warm body sat by my side, tugging me towards him in a comforting manner.

"Hey" He said softly.

"Hey" I returned weakly, snuggling up to him and immediately feeling safe.

"What's going on around that mind of yours, Bell's? You know you don't have to worry about anything, right? We'll keep you safe" He promised, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back.

"I know" I whispered but could you blame me for being so fearful? For being so nerve wrecked at having to be alone with Edward in a tent after everything that transpired between us? As much as I cared for him, I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to have to accept his help nor have to look at him in the eye while knowing how much I've hurt him with my decisions. I didn't want to have to think about how I was the biggest mistake he has ever made.

"I just, I'm worried for you… for everyone and I feel terrible that you're all risking your lives to save me." _I'm not worth it_. I wanted to say.

"Don't. Bella, you mean everything to me. I don't know what I would do without you" He grasped my face in his hand softly, leaning in to kiss my lips tenderly. I resisted the urge to cry, blinking away the tingling feeling behind my eyes.

_You would have been happy _I wanted to tell him_. You would have imprinted on my daughter and you would have forgotten me. _But I didn't. I didn't tell him that he would have been fine, that he would have been happy. I could never say anything and these secrets I held onto would be my own torture; the chains that no one but I could see and feel, knowing that they would always weight me down. Could I ever _truly_ be happy like this?

"_I love you_" Yes, I could. Any ounce of hesitation went down the drain at his intense words, his eyes boring into my own as if knowing my need for reassurance, it was something I was selfish enough to never want to let go.

"I love you, too" The jumbled nerves disappeared, the foreboding feeling all but vanishing. I was always amazed at how easily Jacob could make everything better.

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The wind was howling and I was shivering, my teeth rattling. Edward stood a few paces before me and Jake; it took all of my will power not to look away from him. He deserved better than having me cower away from him. Jacob's tense body beside me made me aware of the tension that surrounded us; a thick layer of raw emotion and distrust. He didn't want to leave me alone with Edward but his urge to destroy Victoria and the rest of the newborns was great. I knew better than to ask him to stay even though it was all I wanted. He would do as I asked but what would be the consequences of it? Would Leah die without him saving her? Would someone else die because he wasn't there to watch their backs? I couldn't ask him to stay but I didn't want him to get hurt. My only relieve was that he would recover from the newborns attack but I still vainly hoped it wouldn't happen.

"Keep her safe" Jacobs's words were strong and terse as he spoke to Edward. He would be spending the night with us but would leave early in the morning.

"I will" Edward's voice was calm and collected, his velvety voice not betraying any hint of discomfort. It was so like him to keep things bottled in. Then again, wasn't I doing the same?

I shifted uncomfortably under Edwards gaze, feeling as if he was trying to search deep within me for something I knew all too well. I also knew that there was nothing left there; nothing compared to the place Jacob held in my heart. Jacob growled out in agitation at having Edward stare at me shamelessly, his intensity not wavering at the warning.

"Let's go, Bella" I bit my lip, looking away from Edward and wrapping my arms around Jacob's neck so he could lift me up into his arms.

He would be walking us up to where the tent had been set in the mountains. I frowned, that was a place I wasn't looking forward to being in. I could still remember the cold that rattled my bones once upon a time. I guess that I could have prepared things better this time but I found no need if I had Jacob with me, he was more than a decent body heater and was now my boyfriend and imprinter. I wasn't sure… Wait, if Jacob imprinted on me, how is it that Edward never knew about it before? I was more than sure Jacob couldn't and _wouldn't _keep such information from Edwards prying mind. Had Edward always known –in this time- and just not told me? I felt a little angry at this revelation, why hadn't he told me? Had he been afraid that If I knew it would influence my decision to stay with him? That didn't work, obviously. Jake _had _told me. I knew that there was no reason to ask why anymore yet I still found myself wondering; wanting to know.

_I'll ask him in the morning _I assured myself. If I found it in me to finally speak to him I would ask him. I wasn't so sure it was something I wanted to know, I didn't really feel like poring salt into open wounds. My selfish need to know, however, prevailed over any other rational and humane reason. A sting of guilt made itself known but I pushed it down, I just needed to know.

"Everything alright, Bell's?" I blinked up at Jakes searching eyes and smiled, nodding.

"I'm fine, just a little tired." Angry, worried, _nervous_. I didn't say that out loud though, I didn't need Jake worrying about me more than he already did.

I watched the scenery go by in a daze. My eyes landed on the tent as we approached and my heart felt heavy then.

This was really happening.

It was like being woken up with a barrel of ice cold water in the morning. Everything seemed so dull until now; as if I'd been dreaming until this precise moment. Colors seemed brighter, shapes seemed sharper and the sound of the howling wind and the creaking branches seemed to intensify tenfold.

It was like I've been dead until now.

And now I'm terrified.

I've lived through this- I know how everything happened- and yet my heart wants to leap from my chest. I know Jacob can hear it, that he's worried for my health and that he's contemplating staying even though he really shouldn't. I let out a shuddering breath as he lowered me to the ground.

"You know we'll protect you, right? I won't let anything happen to you Bella" Jacob promised as he hugged me closer to him. The sad thing about all of this was that at the precise moment I was only worried for Jacob and myself. No one else mattered- not when everything I wanted was at risk.

"I know" I answered weakly.

I knew he would do anything he could to make sure the newborns and Victoria never got here (even though she and Riley succeeded). Everything should go according to what I lived but would it? Everything had been smooth sailing for us after I accepted the imprint that now I was scared something would go wrong.

Jacob delivered a small reassuring kiss on my cheek, his warmth practically spread through it. I instantly felt a little better. With him by my side I felt perfect- he was my strength just as I was his weakness. I offered him a real smile this time, one full of love and happiness. Looking him in the eyes I could hardly remember why I was here. My smile dropped off just as quickly as it formed when I spotted Edward just a few feet behind Jake. I would always feel bad at being caught smiling with Jacob by Edward. I don't think I would ever feel comfortable with him until I knew he'd moved on from me. But he wouldn't. I didn't just think this because it's me that he loves. Edward is just the sort of man that loves only one person so truly that it's hard for him to move on. I want him to let go of any hope he has left of me returning to his side- and maybe he has- but will he ever let go of me and what could have been?

He deserved much more than an existence full of pain and misery because of me and my mistakes.

I could practically see Jacobs eyes narrowing at the sight of him just like his body always tensed when he was near me. He knew Edward would never hurt me yet he always seemed ready to pounce when he was around. His need to always keep me safe sometimes startled me. He defended me with such intensity that it never seized to amaze me. It felt good to be protected and loved; the feeling it provoked within me always made me feel faint.

"They will be here early tomorrow" Edward spoke with a low tenor. His golden eyes seemed tired, emotionally I knew. It scared me a little to see him look so defeated and to know that I was the only one to blame.

_I'm sorry _I wanted to say. I wanted to apologize and beg him to forgive me but refrained from doing so in fright that I would only make his pain worse. I was wrong; I didn't only care for Jacob and me- I cared for Edward, too. He deserved my compassion after everything I've made him go through. My heart clenched painfully inside of my chest and I hoped that this guilt would leave me with time.

"Thank you" I whispered. It was all I could manage to say to him.

Suddenly it didn't matter if he'd known about Jake imprinting on me. He'd done his best to fight for me, even if it meant hiding this fact. How could I judge him for doing that when I came back in time to fight for Jake? He'd done what he could just like I did what I could.

Like the saying goes;

_All is fair in love and war._

Sadly, we can't all win.

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_**A/N; **I really do love this story but sometimes It's hard to keep writing when you have no motivation. If I asked for at least 10 reviews is because I really hate putting so much effort in a chapter and not know what people thought of it. How am I supposed to know if you liked it or not? Anyways, I really hope you liked it!_


	16. Capricious

_**A/N; **The only thing I have to say is thank you to those of you who are still reading this and those of you who reviewed. I hope this chapter is nice enough for you guys and I'm kind of sorry for making you all wait so long for it._

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**_Special thanks to JacobLupo for being so awesome and checking this chapter over for me!_**

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**Thanks for reviewing;**

amanjojo- _Thanks! Sorry for not making it longer. _

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Team Jacob obssesion- _I really do try. College takes too much of my time though. I'm actually doing this from there!_

KasBlackPotter...- _Thanks! Let's hope you still enjoy the chapter after all the waiting. _

LostPrincess94-_ Thank you and I won't! Just need time between updates. _

Guest- _Sorry about the short chapter. Still hope you like it. _

Krissy- _Sorry, I do have a life outside of fanfiction. A pretty busy one at that. _

reddragon09- _Thank you! I do enjoy writing this story, I just don't do well under pressure ;) and well, College takes most of my time nowadays._

dracoslilmuggle- _Thank you for liking the story and for understanding! your a first, thanks. _

Paige3337- _Thank you!_

GoddessTiera- _Thank you! your awesome. Hope you like the chapter!_

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_~** Capricious ~**_

_**By**_

_Dreaming while awake_

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I lay in the sleeping bag; stiff in the arms of the boy I loved. I wasn't uncomfortable with the physical contact but with the fact that a few inches away from us sat Edward. He wasn't looking our way but I knew without a doubt that Jacob was making his life a living hell with thoughts of us. I'd warned Jake against it but I knew that my demand had fallen on deaf ears. There was no way Jacob would ever take pity upon Edward- not even for me. He could pretend, sure, but he would always despise Edward and there was no fooling a mind reader either way. I was once again grateful for whatever quirk made my thoughts inaccessible to him.

"It's nearly time" Jake whispered in my ear. I nodded into his chest, dreading the time when he had to leave. It was for the best, though.

"I love you" I muttered, flinching at the pain I was willingly submitting Edward to. The fact was that there was no going around it. I couldn't let Jacob go without telling him how I felt; just in case.

_Just in case, what? _I thought uncertainly. Just in case he died? Just in case things went from bad to worse? Just _in case _I didn't make it? There were so many things that could go wrong. I knew there was no use in pondering them but my brain couldn't help it. These people were risking their lives for me! The least they deserved was having me worry for them.

"I love you more, Bells" Jake tightened his warm arms around me. "And when this is over, I promise you that things will only get better"

I pursed my lips and resisted the urge to tell him that he shouldn't make promises he wouldn't be able to keep. I hated the fact that my life would never be ordinary but refused to ever regret meeting so many wonderful people, _especially_ Jacob. It wasn't his fault that I was a danger magnet; that our lives would never end with a happily ever after. That was fine because I had honestly never believed in them but knowing that my life would always consist of this was tiring. All the fighting and death was horrid but having to fight for the right to live every other day was even more preposterous. My life was one crazy roller coaster that didn't seem to have an end and I could only hope that after all the twists and turns there would be a steep ride down to normalcy- or as normal as a life with vampires and werewolves could ever be.

"Yeah" I breathed. Only get better… if he only knew what I know now.

The sun was about to rise when I felt Jacob shift by my side. I scrunched my face, remembering that he was about to head out to fight for me. I knew Edward would end up facing Victoria and Riley but that only made things worse. I owed Edward and his family enough as it was.

"I have to go" He whispered into my ear. I nodded but didn't let go. My throat felt tight and my mouth was suddenly really dry.

"Be careful. Don't rush into things without thinking" I ordered him hoarsely. I buried my nose into his neck and inhaled his musky scent. Jake always smelled of the woods; pure yet strong and reassuring. Warm.

"I won't" He hugged me a little tighter before releasing me all together and sitting up. He glared at the entrance of the tent even though it was zipped up. I instantly knew that Edward was out there, waiting for Jake to take his leave.

"Take care Bells. Just, _please,_ don't get into trouble for once in your life." I kissed him then. Because there wasn't really any satisfying answer I could give him that would be true.

"Go, they're waiting for you" I knew the only reason he even contemplated leaving me with Edward was because Seth would be here too; acting as some sort of walky-talky.

"I love you, Bella Swan" I smiled, my grimace disappearing in an instant.

"I love you too, Jacob Black" I looked into his eyes "Always"

"_Always_" He echoed.

As long as it lasted; a life by his side wasn't nearly enough.

Edward stood in front of me in a low crouch; growling like an animal as he faced Riley and Victoria. My heart pounded in my chest and I could barely hear myself think. I had always known this was coming and I thought I'd come to terms with it. Apparently I hadn't. My stomach clenched as Seth lunged for Riley. The male vampire evaded him with ease. I looked over to Edward who was trying to distract Victoria from coming after me.

I felt so useless. Here I was, standing in the middle of a fight that involved me yet I was the only one unable to defend myself. I guess it came with the life I chose but it didn't make the truth any less bitter. I had known beforehand that what I could do was limited to my human capabilities and they were nothing against vampires. Vampire's who's only weaknesses were blood and fire.

Blood; I remember having cut myself to distract Victoria and Riley from ending Edward. I frowned, moving backwards as Edward lunged towards Victoria. Why wasn't that happening? Was it even that important? Something told me that it was. That if it didn't happen, how would Victoria end up distracted enough to allow Edward to end her? I didn't know what to do. Should I go ahead and cut my arm? What if Edward made a fatal mistake because of it? I couldn't bear the thought of his demise, much less because of something I had done.

My decision was made for me when I heard the distinct whine of a wolf. I whipped around quickly, my eyes wide as I watched Seth's body slump to the ground. This had all happened before but somehow I just knew that it wasn't the same. Seth wasn't getting up and my body seemed to react before I knew what was happening. I ran. It was stupid and completely unreasonable but I did it. I knew that there was no possible way I could outrun a vampire but my mind was fuzzy with panic; with fear that this time, Seth might not get up after all. What had I caused now? I heard Riley's chuckle as I ran, stumbling and tripping down the snowy hill. Edward was nowhere to be seen; he'd been busy with Victoria and I wondered if he'd even noticed my absence.

Riley was playing with me, I knew. He could have -_should _have- caught me by now but instead he chose to stroll behind me, as if I was not even worthy of his time. Would he attack me? He seemed to think that Victoria was in love with him and vice versa; he would probably roughen me up but he wouldn't bite me. He would leave that for _her._ Tears prickled at the corner of my eyes as I gasped for breath. I only had time to skid to a halt and fall to my knees before I could tumble down a steep hill that lead down to the rushing river below. The water was a fury of movement as it rushed between sharp rocks, rising and falling like a living, breathing thing. I glanced back, eyes wide with horror as Riley's smiling face approached with each passing second. He was walking now. Heading towards me slowly, predatorily; he knew I had nowhere else to run. But I knew I couldn't allow him to have me. I knew that if I allowed myself the weakness of surrendering -the thought of dying and just ceasing to exist- I would, without a doubt give in, in my current state of mind in which all I wanted was things to be _done with._

But then there was Jacob. And he was enough to make me want to live. He was the only reason why I was even here at this precise moment. He was the man who I came back for and to hell with all of these vampires who wanted me dead or turned! I didn't sacrifice so much in my life for all of it to be taken away so easily. I survived James, I survived Edward abandoning me when I thought I'd loved him and I survived jumping from a cliff and almost drowning. I looked back down at the rushing water; so violent yet it only made my resolve strengthen. I could only hope I'd also survive this.

And I jumped.

I jumped because it was the only thing I _could_ do. Because it was the only way out; because maybe, just _maybe_, I was through with people having to save me all of the time and this was the only way I could protect myself without having to depend on anyone. Who knew what had happened to Seth? Edward was busy fighting Victoria and Jacob was fighting the newborns. All of them were involved in a battle; _my _battles. This was the only fight I could fight on my own and even now, I can only depend on hope to save me. On God, to have mercy and forgive me because to some extent I knew that I was only getting what I deserved. I've gained too much in life and given so little in exchange… it was time to change that. I would _fight _for the right to live on my own. There was no cheating my way around this one.

Pain blinded me for a second just as I crashed into the swirling water trap but before I could even begin to process the fact that I had rolled into the river, I was sucked under. And then I saw someone who had warned me against the very thing that was happening to me right now. Someone I should have listened to when I was told things might come to change unexpectedly.

Someone who was offering me a choice I didn't want.


End file.
